


Rich isn't that good with feelings

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Headcanons Everywhere, M/M, Rich-centric, Some suicidal thoughts, but only briefly, i love rich with all of my being im sorry i hurt him, just feels, rich and feels, richjake is my religion sorry not sorry, the squip squad is mentioned but no names are said really??, this is a weird first work but oh well, this is so short aGh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Rich didn't think about his feelings that much. He never did, not with his SQUIP active. The SQUIP always took care of his feelings, even helped hide some of them. But now that it's gone, he's going to have to figure out these feelings on his own.





	Rich isn't that good with feelings

**Author's Note:**

> this is trashy and self indulgent nuhbygvtfcrdesxdrftgyhuj dont read it

Rich didn't think about his feelings that much. He never did, not with his SQUIP active. The SQUIP always took care of his feelings, even helped hide some of them. But now that it's gone, he's going to have to figure out these feelings on his own.

Rich had known he was bisexual since 8th grade, because while girls were cute, he found guys cute too. He came to the big conclusion while doing research online. The blonde had heard of gay and lesbian people (there were kids at his school who claimed to be as such), but he had never heard of liking sexes. Once he found out, he promised himself to be okay with this side of him. After discovering his identity slowly, and accepting who he was and others like him, he created a small blog to rant about his struggles as a lonely bisexual boy.

The community was friendly and supportive, even helping him be more open to those around him. He became a bit of a secret activist, loving to talk to others like him and give advice as he got older. It was a side of him he never wanted to lose. He was proud of it, even though he wasn't out to the public. He was happy again.

Then came freshman year. His life got worse, a few people even tracked down his blog and started calling him 'fag' and 'queer' as insults. At first, he didnt care. He was used to bigotry. But soon it got too much, he couldnt rant online, he couldnt talk to anyone, he had nothing.

It was around the end of the school year that he got his SQUIP. Everything got better, everything was nicer, he was respected. Until his SQUIP found out about his bisexuality, his crush on Jake, and decided the best option would be to lock his feelings away. Rich hadn't a problem with that, mainly because he knew Jake would never like him, and some kids had seen his blog already. Continuing with posts would be like shoving his reputation out of six story building. He didn't mind.

Fast forward to the fire. He had thrown off his SQUIP with alchohol after it tried to force him into sleeping with another girl. He was sick of it. Rich did the only thing he could; stumble around and ask for mountain dew red. With no other options, he decided to try and end it all. If he died, his SQUIP would be gone, and no one would have to deal with his SQUIPed self's assholery anymore. So Rich grabbed a lighter and a cup of alchohol, locked himself in Jake's room, and let flames engulf him until he couldn't recognize that someone was screaming his name. 

The hospital was a memory he despised deeply. He felt so horrible in that room, convinced he had let everyone down by surviving. Rich thought he was supposed to die. He wasn't worth it, especially now that he doesn't have his SQUIP. He didn't deserve this life, not with all he's done. He wants it all to end.

But now it's years later, and he doesn't. 

Rich is happy again. Because here he is, sitting outside, eating frozen yogurt with his best friends (who he doesn't think he deserves, though they all disagree). They're all laughing, and its the happiest he's ever been. He glances over at his boyfriend, who's grinning cheerfully beside him. Their hands locked together, leaning against each other in a silent embrace.

Rich doesn't know how he ever got Jake to love him, but he's glad that he does. He doesn't know what he would do without him.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a tumblr @ sirjordenofpans but dont follow it i only use it for spamming my love of richjake,,,


End file.
